hazelbite | Moron of the Month

My friend gave me permission to share this story with anyone I wanted, and I thought it was very amusing but also, very frustrating. We like to commiserate with each other about the ~~joys~~ horrors that sometimes come with dealing with customers (she works in food, I'm in retail). So, she e-mailed me with the story of this one particular customer and, well, you'll see...

I just got home from Subway and today, (THIS IS ALL TRUE, I SWEAR!!!) a perfectly capable middle aged man with NO hearing aid asked me for a WHEAT sandwich. I asked him very politely what kind of SANDWICH he wanted and he told me, "with extra jalepeno."

I asked him again, what KIND of SANDWICH would he like with his WHEAT BREAD and he told me, "lettuce, tomato, onion and olives." I asked him one more time what kind of SANDWICH he wanted with his WHEAT BREAD and he said "No oil."

I said very loudly, "WHAT KIND OF SANDWICH WOULD YOU LIKE, SIR?!" and he said, "I told you, WHEAT BREAD!"

"And what kind of MEAT would you like on your WHEAT BREAD SANDWICH, SIR?!"

"Oh..........I dunno. Don't you have that Carne Asada thing here?"

"No, we don't. We have a steak and cheese sandwich."

"Oh...the Subway in Sacramento has it."

"Well, I never heard anything about it. But we have a steak and cheese sandwich."

"Nah, I don't want beef right now."

"...Okay...Do you see another sandwich you'd like?"

"...Uh...Turkey?"

"Six inch or foot long?"

"Yes."

"...SIX INCH or FOOT LONG?"

"Oh...which one's bigger?"

"...."

"..."

"The FOOT LONG is bigger, sir."

"Oh...give me the one in between. Don't you have like a medium or something?"

"We have a SIX INCH and FOOT LONG, sir."

"Uh...give me the six inch."

So I begin to make his Turkey? six inch wheat bread sandwich with lettuce, tomato, onion and olive, extra jalepeno and NO oil and right after I cut through the bread, making a perfectly reasonable six inch, he says, "Wait...no...I wanted the bigger one."

"The FOOT LONG?"

"Yeah, that's the one I asked for."

I decided to let it go and not remind him that he said SIX INCH...because I didn't want to deal with him any longer than I had to.

And I just made everything worse when I asked him, out of habit, what kind
of cheese he wanted.

"We have American, Swiss and Provelone."

"Cheddar."

"We do not have cheddar; we have American, Swiss or Provolone."

"Oh, sorry...Pepperjack."

"We have AMERICAN, SWISS or PROVOLONE, sir."

"Oh...the Subway in Sacramento has pepperjack."

"We're not in Sacramento, sir."

"Well, I'm just saying is all. The one in Sacramento has pepperjack and cheddar. I thought ALL Subways had the same stuff."

::God, shoot me now.::

"...American, Swiss or Provolone, sir..."

"American, I guess."

"Toasted or not toasted?"

"What do you mean toasted? Oh...does that cost extra?"

"No, there is no charge."

"Oh, well don't toast it then. I don't want to pay extra..."

So I go on to make his FOOT LONg Turkey? WHEAT BREAD sandwich which is NOT TOASTED with non-pepperjack/American cheese, lettuce, tomato, onions, olives NO OIL and extra jalepeno...

"Wait...I don't want that."

"That's jalepeno, sir."

"NO...THOSE are jalepenos. The green peppers THERE."

"...THOSE are banana peppers." (And they were BRIGHT YELLOW!) "THESE
are jalepenos."

"Oh...well take those off, I don't like those...give me thee, um...the banana whatevers over there. And I want extra of them."

So I take off the offending jalepenos and put on the banana peppers and wrap it up. When I ring him up for his Turkey? sandwich and medium coke he says, "See, you should have ASKED me what I wanted before we got to all that other stuff and you wouldn't have gotten all FRUSTRATED. I mean, you can't act that way around a CUSTOMER..." and he turned like I was the one
without a properly functioning set of ear drums.

...I was SO happy to see him leave.

Man oh man, I've got a few stories like that myself. We also discussed the fact that some customers like to ask for things that we've already told them we don't have (like we're purposefully hiding it from them, or something).

Working with customers helps me be a better customer myself, because I know what it's like.